THE WRITING WIFE’S LIFE TODAY
BEING OPEN TO LOVE BRINGS LOVE TO YOU
October 10, 2015 was the 5th anniversary of the happiest day of my life. I have looked back at the way we were living before we met and the changes since we’ve been together and married and see a great difference. I can say that life today for me as The Writing Wife is very simple. It is based on following my husband’s lead and instruction and revolves around his schedule and needs. It may seem like supplication for a wife to put her husband’s needs before her own, but doing so has released my mind of the chaos and constant worry of the control freak tendencies I lived before him. Keeping our life structured according to his needs makes him a happy husband because it is easier for him to work and provide the income that supports us.
Those who know the woman I used to be are shocked to see me structure my life according to the famous, and possibly fake, Good Wife’s Guide in the May, 1955 issue of Housekeeping Monthly. When my girlfriends and I discovered this article we sat around the table cackling like the hen party we were. We scoffed at each instruction, and laughed that any man who expected such from his wife didn’t have long to live. Today, new acquaintances and friends often give me shocked looks when I use the words “My husband won’t let me…” because it’s so strange to see in this era of Women’s Lib. Even our families misunderstand our way of life. His sisters often ask if he’s being a drill sergeant when I post on my/our Facebook about working on the list he made for me that morning, and my sisters have voiced concerns about abuse as if he beats me into such compliance; even though they know how I’ve dealt with those situations in the past.
We have many reasons for living this way, and they benefit both of us. I have found great freedom and relief by giving myself to him this way. Issues with OCD, ADD, & PTSD make me very reliant on the structure of our lifestyle. We like to refer to it as the Crazy Alphabet Disorder that came with the constant worry experienced as a single mother without the proper means to provide for my children. The OCD in my brain keeps me from functioning without order, and routine. When the ADD part kicks in I cannot focus on repetition, or tasks long enough to organize the kind of schedule I need, often leading to pandemonium that triggers PTSD anxiety. Being able to provide for his needs by simply following his lead as I take care of his needs has freed me from feeling mental and physical alert 24/7 and brought me a great deal of comfort and happiness.
His benefits seem obvious to others who see me as a supplicant wife. What they don’t see is the comfort he gets from knowing he is able to lead and provide for us according to biblical instruction without having to question the status of his household. He is a very fundamental Christian man and lives through the Bible. Men are instructed to lead their wives and children and women are instructed to follow their husband’s will. Having a wife that relies on him for instruction daily and follows his instruction accordingly allows him to focus at work so that he shines with a purpose and energy that many of the men he works with don’t display. He is also much happier and smiles more than coworkers who are unable to leave their home life at home, which is noted by his superiors, along with the drive and energy he gets from being properly fed and cared for. This brings him greater success and prosperity through greater opportunities.
I live according to his schedule which means my days begin before him and often end after he has gone to bed. I make sure I wake up at least a half an hour before he does. This gives me time to prepare his lunch. I make sure he has enough proteins, carbohydrates, and calcium; usually from tuna, supper leftovers and yogurt. He also has fruit cups, snack bars, and chips. Although he is 5’8” and doesn’t weigh more that 160 lbs, he eats more than most other men throughout the day. He doesn’t eat a lot, but he eats often. Food intake is scheduled for him; eating about every 3hrs: breakfast 5-6 AM, Snack at 9, Lunch 12, Snack at 3 and Supper at 6 PM on an ideal work day for him. A person’s stomach is about the size of their fist, so that’s about how much he eats at each sitting. Eating this way keeps his energy and metabolism going throughout the day and doesn’t promote weight gain and grumpies from not having enough to eat.
Once his lunch is prepared I wake him up about an hour before he has to be at work so that he can shower, dress and mentally prepare for the day ahead without feeling rushed. While he is in the shower, I get his clothes ready, prepare coffee, and begin making his breakfast. As he is eating his breakfast we usually go over my list of things for the day. Those discussions are usually centered around which errands I need to run if I have to drive, groceries, bills to pay, things to mail, and laundry. I try to keep all those trips centered on Mondays, which gives us both the comfort of knowing that I will only be driving one day a week. After we have breakfast together and he goes on to work I can begin my day.
There was a time I never thought I’d be able to do this for a man, and taking care of my husband this way has garnered a lot of criticism, but it has also earned a lot of admiration and respect. He loves me greatly for the things I do and speaks about it often. The single men at his work want wives like me and many of the married men wish their wives were like me. When I talk to other wives about the things I do for him I am often laughed at, but soon find out that they have begun to follow my pattern. I take care of him this way because it makes me feel good to give him a good life because he gives me one in his efforts at work.
Sometimes even he doesn’t understand the freedom and relief I feel from living in deference to him this way. He has said “It sometimes feels like you put yourself ‘under’ me and I want you to feel like we are partners in this, not that you are less than me.” When I explained the freedom I have from giving control of our life to him and that I never feel “less than” because if I did I would let him know. We only let people and things in our life that he approves of and lets in, and his choices are our choices. If ever I see that someone or something he chose is having a negative impact on me or our life I find a “good wife’s” way to let him know that we need to make better choices and he does.
People say “Happy wife, happy life” and I feel that has twisted society’s view on what a true loving marriage should look like. My research on this topic angered me to the point of a 24 hour online research binge. I was searching for blogs and articles about women who were happy being submissive to their husbands and living by Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as unto the lord.” Everything I found through searching Google & Bing about how a good wife should take proper care of her husband, submissive wives, and even biblical wives; brought results about how husbands should treat wives better or women complaining about how their husbands used them. Even my personal Facebook is full of posts and memes that say “Treat her like a queen and she will stay loyal.”
This is a big reason why most women complain about not finding good men and girls grow up feeling entitled to what men give and don’t think about how they are treated and usually end up in angry, abusive relationships. Men who cannot feel that they are in control and leading their family in the right direction without being harped on can be very angry. Women who are meeting men that make the wrong choices and does not lead his life and family in the right direction need to look for them in different places. I have personal experience living a life where I felt I had to control everything in my household, and it was a very hard, and lonely life for a very long time. I have finally found great joy by releasing that control and living a “Happy Husband” life and hope more women learn from my example.