USING LESSONS LEARNED TO CREATE A WONDERFUL LIFE
It is said by the Japanese that we have three faces. There is the face we show the public, the face we show our families, and the face we only show ourselves. It appears to me that I not only have three faces, I’ve also led three lives. Writing this blog is a way to explore those lives and help others by exposing how the destruction of the first one was overcome by the determination and hard work of the second one and show how the love of God and a wonderful husband ultimately created my third, best, and current life. In exposing the destruction, and excruciating work it took to triumph over that damage and build this life I hope to provide an example to others who have had their lives destroyed in similar ways to rise above their own devastation without having to live through the extreme pain I had in my second life and live their best life in the best way possible. I am also hoping to provide ways to prevent what I experienced from happening to others.
In my current life I am a wife and mother of three grown, and two nearly grown children, former educator, and wife of the best husband in the world. Well, at least I think so. I follow him as he travels for his own career so we currently live in Panama City, Florida. I have written many unaccredited articles for women’s lifestyle sites several educational sites. I am exploring publishing my own fiction stories as I work on my first novel; a fictionalized version of my experiences as a child, teenager, mother, educator and friend. My background is in Art Education with Social Studies minor giving me a wide range of topics to explore those current writing endeavors.
Creating this life with my husband was not the easiest thing to accomplish. I have to say that although my heart was prepared for the love we share, my mind was not prepared for the work it took. In my life before him I was a single mother raising two sons with two jobs and no child-support. The work it took to do that was exhausting. I was a high school teacher during the day and ran an “adult kindergarten” – bartending – at night. That life didn’t allow for the care and maintenance of a husband. The only purpose men served was entertainment, and base physical needs.
Men were not allowed in our home or my life unless my children were visiting their father. I taught my sons how to cook and do laundry and we worked as a team. They each took turns cooking every other night when we had food in the refrigerator or we lived on fast food and the generosity of a very good friend who owned a restaurant. Their clothes were clean, but laundry usually went from the dryer to the sofa to allow for quick access as we dress for school in a hurry and often ate on the fly. If a man I was dating had a complaint or comment about my housekeeping they were quickly told that it was my world they had stepped into, and they were only in it for a minute and could get to stepping any time they were ready to leave.
Needless to say, in the first few months we were together my husband maintenance skills left a lot to be desired and I nearly lost the man of my dreams by not committing to and taking care of necessary wifely duties like making breakfast & lunch before he left for work, making sure supper was on the table when he returned home, and basically only doing laundry when I found the need for clothes – pretty much, only thinking of myself & not the man who was living with me & working to provide for us. I was still living in my former life instead of focusing on the new life he was giving me. Until he came home so angry and frustrated that he was ready to walk out of my life.
Very angry words were said about the state of our home and the way I was taking care of the him and us. He definitely had higher expectations of me as the woman in is life. In that discussion he said to me, “here’s the deal, if you take care of me, I promise to take care of you.” He very nearly had to pick me up off the floor. No man had ever made such a statement or promise in any way shape or form. There was something different about him. Different from everything I had experienced from every man I had been with before, because I couldn’t say to him the things I used to say. The words wouldn’t come. What happened to my world? HE had become my world.
We were not married, but he was my husband in every way and I was his wife. At that moment I also became a biblical wife. If my husband made a request, order or statement of need I did whatever it took to provide that need. Releasing myself from my former life and giving my life to him profoundly changed everything about me, and us. That change developed into the wonderful life I have today. I would love to share those experiences and lessons that have brought me to the place I am today.
If my story has kept your attention this blog, The Writing Wife’s Life, will continue to provide information and instruction on the following topics: preventing certain childhood, as well as adult abuses and disasters, using your strength to overcome any abuses you may have suffered in your life, and giving your life to God and your spouse or others as a way to develop your highest potential as a person.